Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
