Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
