it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
