i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
