i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
