I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
