I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
