I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
