a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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