he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
