whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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