Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
