Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
