You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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