I could have mohawked her pubes.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
