While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I need moral support for this bender
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
