The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
