I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
