I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
