Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
