my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
