We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
