I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
