i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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