I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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