elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
