i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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