Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
organizing the empties. That sober.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
