it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
