Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She told me I should be a condom model.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
