How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
