SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
