Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
