im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
