I could have mohawked her pubes.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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