Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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