I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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