Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
