Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
