god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
tell me about the eggs
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
