you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
