I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
