her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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