Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
