I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
