Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's official drugs can't kill me
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
