Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
