i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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