If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
