K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
