You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
